Alone Again, Naturally
by Sue Pokorny
Summary: Tag to 5.02, Good God, Y'all. Simply wondered how the goodbye between Ellen and Dean would go after Sam left.
1. Chapter 1

_It's been a while since I've been able to write a tag to an ep, but this one just called out for one. I found myself wondering how the goodbye between the boys and Ellen would go, and this is what I have to offer._

**Alone Again, Naturally**

As soon as the truck disappeared from sight, Dean allowed his head to drop, shoulders hunched, allowing himself to feel the sting of loss for just a moment.

Sammy was gone.

The one purpose he'd clung to his whole life had walked away from him – again – and he'd done absolutely nothing to stop him.

But what could he have done? Sammy was right. He was a liability right now. He wasn't fit to hunt. And right now – with the end of the world looming in the not to distant future, they couldn't afford… Dean couldn't afford to take his eye off the ball.

It was too big.

The ramifications were too important.

The end of the world.

And Dean Winchester was here to stop it. Alone. Again. Naturally.

"Hey." His head snapped up, his eyes focusing on Ellen's figure standing a few yards away from the picnic table. Her hands were folded across her chest as she leaned her head, studying him with far more scrutiny than he was comfortable with. "You okay?"

"Huh? Yeah," Dean finally muttered, swallowing hard to clear the emotion that was threatening to choke him. "I'm fine."

"Right." Ellen stepped to the table, sliding into the seat Sam had vacated only moments ago. She leaned her forearms on the table, clasping her hands together before her as she tilted her head toward the dust, still stirring from the wake of the truck. "Where's Sam going?"

Dean dropped his eyes, not able to meet her gaze. " He's ah… got things to take care of," he responded, hoping against hope she would just leave it at that.

"What's going on with you two?" Ellen leaned forward, her brows drawing together on her forehead. "I asked Sam before and he gave me the usual Winchester song and dance."

Dean lifted on side of his mouth in a sardonic grin. "That's Sammy. Always with the show tunes."

"Dean…"

He sighed and rubbed a hand across his face, knowing the woman wasn't about to simply give up and let him be. "Nothing's going on, Ellen. We're…we just need…" he faltered, his mind reaching for an explanation that would placate her without revealing how screwed up they really were. "We'll be fine."

"You call this fine?"

He looked up, sighing at the look of utter disbelief on her face.

"Ellen, it's okay. Sam and me…" he shrugged, unwilling to bear his soul to her even though he felt the need to unburden himself was overwhelming. "We just… he needs to work some things out for himself and until he does, he's better off out of the direct line of fire." _Away from me._

"Uh huh," Ellen's tone was flat. "And what about you?"

Dean shook his head slightly. "What about me?"

"Are you better off? Out of the line of fire?"

His laugh held no humor as he lifted his head and looked her in the eye. "I'm afraid there's no such thing for me. I'm ground zero." He shook his head and leaned back, squaring his shoulders. "Sam is better off – safer – if he stays far away from me."

"And you're better off without Sam?"

He pursed his lips, silently cursing her for making him think when all he wanted was to let himself be numb. "Yeah," he shrugged, shifting his eyes off toward the expanse of tree covered mountains to his right. "Maybe. Right now anyway."

He saw Ellen nod in his peripheral vision, part of him glad she seemed to finally accept his words, part of him disappointed he couldn't allow himself to confide in her.

"Does this have anything to do with what happened to you in…" she stopped suddenly and Dean narrowed his gaze, filling in the rest of the question. "..with what you've been through," she finished softly.

Den didn't answer, not knowing how to explain his part in what was to come. Not wanting anyone to know how much of it was on his head.

After a few minutes of silence, Ellen shifted on the bench seat and joined him in looking out over the vast Colorado wilderness.

"You know, your dad never really talked about you boys much, but sometimes – maybe it was because I was a mom – or maybe it was just because he needed someone to know, he'd tell me about you and your brother. I couldn't understand how he could just leave you two alone, in whatever bumhole little town you were in, for days at a time. I mean, Sam couldn't have been much older than Jo and I couldn't stomach ever leaving her alone for a few hours let alone days." She turned and Dean could feel her eyes on him as she continued. "But he told me he was never worried about Sam – leaving the two of you alone. You know why? Because of you. He just trusted that you could handle it; that you could take care of your brother, take care of yourself no matter what."

Dean dropped his head and closed his eyes, not wanting her to see how much he wished he could believe that.

He always said that Sam would make a damn good hunter because he was always asking questions, always wanting to know more. But you, your dad was convinced you were special. That you were a natural leader." She laughed softly. "I always figured it was just a parent's pride, you know? Hell we all think our kids are special."

"There's nothing special about me, Ellen."

Her voice was soft when she responded. "You keep telling yourself that, kid. Maybe someday one of us will believe it."

Dean ran a hand across his eyes. "You… you have no idea what… you don't understand."

"I don't have to." Ellen leaned forward and placed a hand on his arm. "Your dad believed in you, Dean. So do I, and so does Sam. Whatever happens, just remember, you're not alone in this. Not by a long shot."

Dean dropped his hand and slowly rolled his eyes up to meet hers, seeing nothing but sincerity on her face.

"Thanks."

She patted his arm, withdrawing her own as the moment passed. "You're welcome." She smiled and gave him a nod, finally pushing herself up from the table. "If you ever need anything, Dean. Call."

Dean gave a soft laugh, nodding his head once. "Yes, ma'am. Speed dial."

"Good boy."

She turned to head back into town, turning when he cleared his throat and called her name.

"Uh, Ellen? Can you do me a favor?"

She pursed her lips and shrugged, burying her hands in her coat pockets. "Anything."

Dean took a slow deep breath, his eyes flickering from his hands to the mountain view before turning back to her. "Give Sam a call? You know, just to… just to make sure he's okay. Make sure he knows…"

Ellen gave him a sad smile and bobbed her head. "Sure, Dean. I promise."

"Thanks."

She held his eyes for a moment, her expression one of sympathy – something he couldn't, or wouldn't, accept. With a sigh she gave him one final smile. "You take care of yourself, Dean."

Dean's breath caught in his throat at the echo of Sam's parting words, swallowing hard against the tightness that suddenly enveloped him. Not trusting himself to speak, he simply nodded, his eyes tracking her as she headed back over the hill toward town leaving him, once again, alone.

The End


	2. Chapter 2

_I think Dean has learned his lesson. Just my take on it before Kripke actually gets out the duct tape._

**Come Together**

The road seemed to disappear under the wheels of the Impala, dotted yellow lines blending together to form one continuous arrow pointing nowhere. Dean rubbed his face, forcing his eyes to remain open, alert for any sign of a town in the darkness. He knew he needed to pull over soon and, with the temperature beginning to plummet at night, didn't really relish spending another night in the car or, for that matter, in another abandoned farmhouse complete with cold draft with much too curious nocturnal inhabitants. He wanted a real bed in a real motel with a real heater and a real lock on the door.

He was tired.

Tired of having to keep his guard up 24/7, tired of never being able to truly give in to his body's need for rest. He'd hunted by himself before, never really thinking about being alone, always knowing that Dad or Sam or Bobby was just a phone call away. But that was no longer the case. Dad was gone, Bobby had his own problems to deal with and Sam….

He missed having someone to bat ideas back and forth with. He missed not having someone to help with the driving. He missed not being able to just open his mouth and blurt out something, knowing there'd be a response – welcome or not. Cas had been a suitable distraction for a while, but…

He missed his brother.

It had taken him a while to admit it, but despite everything they'd been through, Dean couldn't help but miss what they'd grown accustomed to.

But he wasn't really sure he was ready to go back.

Despite the pang of regret he felt whenever his eyes drifted to the empty passenger seat, he just hadn't been able to come to terms with everything that had happened. The problem wasn't that Sam had killed Lilith by using his powers and allowed Lucifer to rise -- Dean wasn't that much of a hypocrite. He knew this whole thing was his own fault. Although he'd had no idea that accepting Alistair's offer would jump start the apocalypse, he wasn't about to let himself off the hook for what he'd done.

He'd broken the first seal.

Him. Dean Winchester. Nobody else could take the blame for that; it was all on him. So, whatever Sam had done, really, in the whole scheme of things, was just icing on the cake. Dean didn't blame him for any of it. He'd been trying to do something good. He'd made a bad decision in trusting Ruby, but again, Dean hadn't been around to stop it, so he couldn't really blame the kid for falling into her clutches.

But he'd been brought back from Hell. Sam's need to make Lilith pay should've been over. He'd promised to stop.

He lied.

Even when confronted, Sam had continued to lie right to Dean's face. How do you continue to trust someone when you both know that trust is broken? Sam should've known better. Hell, Dean was pretty sure he had known better, but he went right ahead and did it anyway.

And even after Lucifer rose, and Sam realized he'd been nothing but a pawn in Ruby's plan, he still couldn't admit he had a problem – not until he was confronted with it in that convenience store. When Dean had seen the look on his brother's face as he eyed what he believed was demon blood on that knife, Dean had known. Sam wasn't okay.

It had just taken Sam a little longer to realize it on his own.

But, he had. And Dean had watched his brother walk away.

It was for the best. Sam had been right, he couldn't hunt this way. He couldn't put himself out there when neither of them knew how he'd react. The stakes were higher than ever, and they couldn't afford any missteps. And, Dean had to admit, not having to worry about his brother these past weeks had been a relief. For the first time in his life, he wasn't responsible for anyone but himself. And that actually felt good.

He hadn't lied to Castiel. He was actually good.

But that didn't mean he didn't miss his brother.

The phone vibrated in his pocket and he shifted on the seat as he reached a hand into his jacket to retrieve the device. His breath caught in his throat as he glanced at the caller I.D.

Speak of the devil.

Taking a deep gulp of air, he blew it out slowly as he opened the phone and placed it to his ear.

"Hey, Sammy."

"_Dean. Hey."_ The familiar voice was hesitant, as if not sure what reception to expect. _"You driving?"_

"Yeah, open road and everything." Dean paused a moment, not sure what to say. "You okay?" He winced as he realized the familiar concern was still close to the surface.

"_Yeah,"_ came the too-quick reply. _"I'm…, yeah. I'm okay."_

"Good." Dean's brow creased as he listened to the breathy sound of his brother's voice. Sam's voice always rose a bit and thinned when he was trying to hide something and Dean felt his concern notch higher. "Glad to hear it. Bobby says you got a real job."

"_Uh, yeah. Working in a bar. Seemed like a good place to lay low for a while."_

Dean nodded, forgetting that no one was there to see it.

"_So, uh… you okay? Haven't heard from you for a while."_

Dean shrugged. "I'm good. You know, keeping moving, keeping busy. Lots of things to kill."

"_Right. Uh, look Dean… where are you?"_

Dean's frown deepened as he struggled with what to say. He didn't have any reason to hide anything from Sam, but something inside of him was hesitant to reveal anything. He'd finally started to feel comfortable alone, and for some reason, he was feeling protective of that.

"Somewhere near Kansas City," he finally admitted. "I've been looking for a place to crash for the last twenty minutes. Nothing but a lot of empty nothing out here."

"_I can meet you there tomorrow."_

"What? Uh, wait, Sam. " He fumbled the phone, finally seeing an exit and pulling off the highway. "Meet me? I'm not sure… why? What's wrong?"

"_Nothing."_ Again, the reply came too quickly. _"I just... We need to talk, Dean."_

Dean sighed. "I know, Sammy. And I want to talk to you, it's just…."

"_What?"_

Dean flinched at the edge of anger in his brother's voice.

"I'm tired, Sam. I've been driving sixteen hours, I'm hungry, I'm edgy, I'm just…"

"_Sounds pretty normal for you."_

Dean snorted a laugh at the unexpected comment. "Yeah, I guess. I just… I need some time, Sammy. I need to think."

Sam's frustration was palpable even through the phone. _"Dean, it's been weeks. What have you been doing all this time?"_

"Honestly? Anything and everything I could to avoid thinking." He pulled off the road into the parking lot of a run down motel, stopping the big Chevy next to the blinking vacancy sign near the front office. "Look, Sammy. I just need some sleep. I swear. I call you in the morning and we'll talk. Okay?"

He held his breath until he heard his brother's soft sigh on the other end of the line. _"Yeah. Okay. It can wait. Get some sleep, man, huh?"_

"That's the plan." Dean paused, finding that his brother's voice had filled a hole he'd been trying hard to ignore. "I'll talk to you in the morning, Sam."

"_Yeah. Okay."_ Silence filled the space between them, but Dean found himself not wanting to sever the connection. _"Be careful, Dean."_

"You too, Sammy."

"_Night."_ With that final word, the call ended and Dean slowly closed his phone, dropping it to his lap as he leaned his head forward and closed his eyes. He had no idea what to do.

He had angels hounding him, demons gunning for him, and the fate of the entire world resting on his shoulders. He'd managed to keep moving, he'd managed to avoid, but he knew he couldn't go on like this much longer. This weight was far too heavy to shoulder alone and, no matter how hard he tried, he knew he wouldn't be able to shoulder it forever. God help him, but he still needed his brother. He wasn't sure about anything anymore. He'd tried to convince himself he was better off on his own and he'd thought he'd been doing okay. He'd thought he'd built those walls back up stronger and higher than ever. And all it had taken was one phone call to crumble it all to the ground. All it had taken was the sound of Sam's voice for the first time since he'd watched him walk away in Colorado, and Dean was pretty sure he didn't want to do any of it alone.

The End


End file.
